The Classic Kids Books, In One Minute or Less

April 13, 2010 by Michael Wayne  
Filed under Humor

wildthingsIn the last article, The Return of the Classic Books, In One Minute or Less, I gave you many classic books, distilled to their very essence.

Today, as this series on humor continues, I give you classic kids books, also in one minute or less. So now you can tell your kids to throw away their Kindle and their iPad and their iPhone and their Blackberry and their Gameboy and their Wii and their iPod, and even their Cliff notes, cause here’s all the book you need to know, in one minute or less.

Green Eggs and Ham
By Dr. Seuss

Some Creature
I won’t eat green eggs and ham anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances.

Sam I Am
Try it.

Some Creature
Yum.

THE END

Where the Wild Things Are
By Maurice Sendak

Once there was a boy who wanted to have adventures with wild things. He discovered if he used his imagination instead of pestering his parents to read to him, he could do just that.

THE END

berenstainbears-246The Berenstain Bears and the Bad Habit
By Stan and Jan Berenstain

Sister
I have a bad habit.

Mama
I’ll give you money if you stop.

Sister
Cash up front.

Mama
Ok.

Sister
Done.

THE END

Clifford, the Big Red Dog
By Norman Bridwell

Emily Elizabeth
I have a big red dog.

THE END

0694003611.lGoodnight Moon
By Margaret Wise Brown

Rabbit
‘Night.

THE END

The Runaway Bunny
By Margaret Wise Brown

Bunny
I will run away.

Mommy
Sit your tush down.

THE END

img-thingThe Secret Garden
By Frances Hodgson Burnett

Colin
I’m sick because I think I’m sick.

Mary
Then let’s reawaken our spirits by going to this garden and discovering the healing power of love inside us all.

Dickon
Sounds good to me.

THE END

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
By Roald Dahl

(Charlie gets a TON of Willy Wonka chocolate bars.)

Charlie
Hooray. I’m an instant winner.

Willy Wonka
Hi kids. Four of you will undergo severe physiological distress that in the real world would get me sued, and one will be picked to be the Special One.

(Charlie gets picked.)

THE END

Are You My Mother?
By P. D. Eastman

Little Bird
Are you my mother?

A Bunch of Animals That Aren’t His Mother
No.

His Mother
Yes.

THE END

6a00c22521fa5e8fdb00fae8bb4b80000b-500piAnne of Green Gables
By Lucy Maud Montgomery

(Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert send for an orphan boy to help out at Green Gables.)

Anne Shirley
I’m here.

Marilla Cuthbert
Anne Shirley, you are not a boy. Go back to the orphanage.

Anne Shirley
If I work really hard, stay out of trouble, enrich your lives with my buoyant spirit, rescue you from the doldrums of your pragmatic ways, and touch the hearts of the townsfolk…then can I stay?

Marilla Cuthbert
Well, ok.

(Anne does all these things except stay out of trouble.)

THE END

peter-rabbitThe Tale of Peter Rabbit
By Beatrix Potter

(Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail OBEY their mother. Peter does NOT and almost DIES MISERABLY.)

THE END

The Giving Tree
By Shel Silverstein

Reader
I can’t believe you cut that tree down, you jerk.

THE END

Stuart Little
By E. B. White

Mr. and Mrs. Little
We gave birth to a rodent, and we’re not the least bit traumatized.

(Stuart fetches stuff his parents lost.)

Stuart Little
I will have a quest of exploration and self-discovery.

(He does.)

THE END

Comments

One Response to “The Classic Kids Books, In One Minute or Less”
  1. Irlande Alfred says:

    I read Where the Wild Things Are to children and it was amazing to witness their
    enjoyment! They painted what Max’s dream was like, I was impressed by their creative potential! Books are a great way to allow children to dream and to be in touch with their inner selves

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