Walking Through Illusion: A Book Excerpt, Part 1

The series on Spirituality continues today with a guest appearance by author Betsy Otter Thompson, who has agreed to allow a chapter from her new book, Walking Through Illusion be excerpted on the Low Density Lifestyle website.

Betsy Otter Thompson is the author of a few books, including The Mirror Theory: The Way to Inner Peace, Resolution, and Transformation; Loveparent: How To Be The Parent You Hope To Be; and Lovehuman: How To Be Who You Love .

A Philadelphia native with a B.F.A. from the University of Pennsylvania, Betsy worked as a commercial print model and acted in television commercials in Philadelphia and New York. From 1987 to 1999, she worked in Los Angeles at the motion picture and television company Castle Rock Entertainment as the Assistant to the Chairman and CEO. In August ‘99, she followed her boss to Warner Bros. and became his Executive Assistant, as he assumed the position of President and COO, and stayed until she retired in 2005. Betsy is now writing full time.

To visit her website, and/or to order a copy, visit Betsy’s website: http://www.betsythompson.com

Today we begin with the Preface to her book. Next time will be the chapter excerpt.

Preface

The heart is a magical organ. It pumps steadily or unsteadily according to how it’s treated. If we ask too much of the heart it gives off little signals warning of strained love. When the signals are ignored, the heart simply quits; not so different from other motors that aren’t well maintained.

Science tells us that hearts depend on the whole through which they function. My instincts tell me that hearts are independent. From my conviction that hearts are free to express from the depth to which they go, Walking through Illusion was written. Jesus is the energy that comes through my conviction.

What does it mean that hearts are free to express from the depth to which they go? It means that each of us is free to love in face of reasons not to. If we decide to love, the heart goes deeper to reveal our true identity. If we decide not to love, more opportunities arrive through which to challenge us to do so.

I receive my inspiration the same way an artist receives a vision or a musician receives a melody. I can’t tell you how it happens; I’m not sure myself. But if I asked an artist how she received her visions, or a musician how he received his melodies, wouldn’t they say something like this: I open my heart, feel what I need to express, and use my talent to do so. The same is true for me. I open my heart, receive a feeling, and let it express through my gift.

Inspirational writers have different ways of explaining their experiences. Some call it channeling, some call it the joining of conscious energy with the higher self within. Another calls it “a nonphysical energy present in all things that are physical.” (Abraham-Hicks Publications–September 16, 2008)

To me, it is the merging of energy. And, in this sense, my energy is merging with that of Jesus’. When we are together, the best in me is revealed. We all have inspiration to access since we all have hearts that can feel. How it is shared is as individually defined as the individual lives we are living. From the information shared with me, I believe that a few kind words to another are just as powerfully felt as the creation of a symphony.

My particular gift forces me to acknowledge the physics of action/reaction and the power it wields emotionally in every part of my life. When I first explored these physics–or the pulling of energy back to itself–I saw how it worked in the lives of those around me, e.g., an emotional action was taken by someone I knew, and I saw how it all came back to her through another. When I asked Jesus for an explanation, he said that she was receiving the mirror of her behavior.

When it came to my life, and how this theory was playing itself out, I denied my culpability, or the possibility that I had given the pain I had received. Had I been that cruel–and even if I had been, hadn’t my reasons been justified?

It didn’t take long to realize that justification carried no weight in the science of perfect balance. Excuses couldn’t change the course of the boomerang. Once it left my aura, it was on its path to others who were justifying their cruelty. In terms of the past and the pain I had created, that was not a happy thought. In terms of the future and the love I hoped to generate, it was empowering.

For the physics of action/reaction to be a viable theory, I had to acknowledge that equal justice prevailed in both directions (whether I liked what I received or I did not). But the more I enacted in positive ways and enjoyed the results that followed, the more I tested the power of physics in areas more demanding.

To me, demanding meant the depth to which I was willing to go to admit the pain I had given. Not easy. Who wants to admit to behavior in oneself that she has criticized in another? But as I faced my actions honestly and acknowledged the pain I’d attracted, I realized that I controlled receivership–at least in terms of emotion. This put me in the powerful position of creating what I preferred.

Awareness of action/reaction deepened my exploration of unresolved emotion. I have lapses now and then–more frequently than I like to admit. They occur when I blame others for the backlash I dislike.

Walking through Illusion is not the usual format for historical reenactments, but like any novel, it is the author’s interpretation of possible emotions that might have been experienced. The message is the gift, whether the history is taken literally or not.

Why were these particular people included in the story? I’m not sure. When the idea formed, some I chose consciously; some were chosen for me. As I wrote about these characters and the stories they had lived, I received page by page information that helped me to bring my own life into balance.

Early in the writing Jesus reassured me that the people in this book had lived their lives to the best of their abilities, just as I was doing. This revelation was important to me because, when I thought of them as somehow better than I was, a wall came up between their hearts and mine. When I remembered our oneness, the wall disappeared.

Before the writing began, I believed in a world of rights and wrongs. I saw the picture–or the view I saw with my eyes–as the measure of my existence. When the picture was awful, I thought I was helpless to change it.

Gradually, I learned that all my decisions had brought me growth in one way or another. I learned that taking responsibility for the love, or the lack of love in my life, was the tool through which to create a different life. My greatest hope is that you will sense your power from reading about these people and create the world of your desires.

Walking through Illusion was not written to challenge historical facts in other worthy books; it was written to challenge me to become accountable. Where once I‘d been dealing with guilt, I was finding growth; where once I’d been dealing with hate, I was finding compassion; where once I’d been feeling resentful I was feeling autonomous.

As Jesus talked about these people and how they hoped to walk through their illusions–as he had walked through his–I asked if they were equally important to him on his journey toward enlightenment. He responded that, yes, they were equally important in the moment they entered his life.

The questions in this book arrived through the same process by which the answers came: the union of two hearts that had promised devotion to one another long before this journey into humanness began.

To introduce the format in this book, I offer the following conversation with my collaborator:

What did walking through illusion mean to you, Jesus?
It meant the process by which I brought a body into illusion to help me remember what was real: emotion, or the part of me that still remained when illusion fell away. Therefore, the challenge was to walk through every illusion with a grateful heart in the knowledge that love was the force that had gotten me here in the first place.

Why did your illusion seem so real if it wasn’t?
Because illusion was the game I was playing then. Compare it to an evening at the theater which, incidentally, was my entertainment of choice. Naturally, I became involved in the drama acted out on stage. In the context of that arena, the play was real. However, I knew that, eventually, I would leave the theater and carry on with my everyday reality.
The same could be said of my time here on Earth; it was a play as well. When the play was over, I left the theater in which the drama was happening and carried on with my new existence–which then became my reality.

How did the concept of illusion versus reality relate to the theater?
The theater was the illusion through which the play was happening; my response to it was real. When the drama was unfolding in the theater, I accepted that illusion for what it was. When the drama unfolded in my life, I sometimes blamed others for the way the play was progressing.
I played a role the same as my friends played a role, and the same as the actors in the theater had played their roles–and all of us had chosen the parts we played. Our roles were no more real than the ones we saw in the theater. They were illusionary experiments to expand our hearts so that when we left those dramas, we had the needed emotion for the next performance taking our hearts even deeper.

Were the plays of your friends always valuable?
Their souls must have thought so or they wouldn’t have had them in them. When the drama was over, they reviewed their scenes, found the growth from living them and moved on to the next play that would further enlighten their souls.

Did everyone achieve the growth they sought?
Some did; some didn’t. It all depended on how they viewed the play–whether they took responsibility for their autonomy, or blamed others for the scenes they didn’t enjoy.

How could they further their autonomy?
By having faith in their journey; it was designed for inspiration. Without it, their souls would have been seeking a similar production anyway. The value they gave their play was the value attracted back. If they didn’t like their audiences, they had to value differently. Each and every person had a mind that could think independently and, thus, a mind that could recreate until the mirror they loved was present.

Before they arrived to live their roles in this drama, their souls decided when to join the play and when to exit the play. If they shared the love in their hearts as they went from scene to scene, eventually they walked off stage, right into the heart of God forever.

To be continued next time…

What is Enlightenment?

The most recent articles on the Low Density Lifestyle site were a three-part video interview entitled The PETA Interviews.

They were interviews with Ashley Gonzalez of PETA, and we spoke about PETA’s mission, goals and work.

In case you were paying attention, the interviews actually interrupted a series that had recently begun on spirituality.

So now, I return back to the series on spirituality with today’s article, entitled What is Enlightenment?

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. — Lao Tzu

Spirituality is a domain of awareness. — Deepak Chopra.

We have always been involved in spiritual evolution. We are spiritual beings, we have always been spiritual beings and we will always be spiritual beings. — Gary Zukav

And so, what is enlightenment? In a broad sense, enlightenment means wisdom or a clarity of perception. In 1784, the philosopher Immanuel Kant wrote a famous essay entitled “What is Enlightenment?” in which he attempted to answer the question.

“Enlightenment is man’s emergence from his self-incurred immaturity,” Kant began the essay, and continued on for another 2,600 words. The gist of what Kant said is that immaturity is self-inflicted not from a lack of understanding, but from the lack of courage to use one’s reason, intellect, and wisdom without the guidance of another. It is “our fear of thinking for ourselves,” he proclaimed, and he exhorted the reader of his essay to “Sapere aude!”: Dare to be wise.

Enlightenment is a life of wisdom, knowledge, insight and clarity of thought. It is about functioning at peak capability, of feeling interconnected with all facets of the universe, and of understanding on a profound level how the universe operates. A person who is enlightened is also FREE: they are in the flow, they embody relaxation, calmness and stillness, and they act with effortless effort.

A person who is enlightened is also awakened from the veil of illusion, what in Hinduism is called Maya.

In theories of enlightenment, it is understood that humans go through an evolution of consciousness, and the more enlightened a person becomes in their lifetime, the higher up the evolutionary ladder of consciousness do they go. According to this, these people are capable of thinking more holistically and truly understanding the integral connection between the world of science and matter and the world of spirit.

Some of the people who experience enlightenment in this way become leaders in their community or in the greater society, while others keep a lower profile and prefer a quiet, peaceful existence; nevertheless, all of these people are teachers in one way or another.

And all of these people live (or have lived) a Low Density Lifestyle.

Connecting to the Spiritual Dimension

The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe. – Deepak Chopra

What does it mean to be spiritual, what does it mean to connect to the spiritual dimension, and how does it relate to living a Low Density Lifestyle?

When I use the term spiritual, what I mean is living a life that is connected to a divine force, to the pulse of the universe. This force, this pulse, is the field that is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of the universe.

Some may call this God—and some may give this God a specific name—and some may call it by something else: the Divine Force, Great Spirit, Soul, Universal Spirit, Universal Mind, Universal Intelligence, Universal Consciousness, Zero-Point Field, etc. However you view this, it is important to understand that there is an underlying force that is at the heart of the universe.

This force is unlimited, infinite, undying and eternal. It is both outside and within us; it is everywhere and in all things. We are connected to it at all times; the less blockages and densities you carry in your body, heart and mind, and the more readily you feel the pulse and flow of the universe within you, then the closer is that connection.

The connection is felt every time you allow yourself to relax, be silent and be still, because it is at these times that the static of unceasing noise that blocks the frequencies and signals that emanate from the Zero-Point Field is quieted. Mother Teresa said:

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence…We need silence to be able to touch souls.

When you are living a Low Density Lifestyle it is much easier to feel that connection, because the static does not overcome the silence, whereas when living a High Density Lifestyle you will have a hard time feeling that connection, because the static is always there.

People who live a High Density Lifestyle also need a way to find that connection, but unfortunately the way they do so is usually by partaking of things that are detrimental to their health and well-being.

They will ingest drugs—pharmaceutical and recreational—and drink excessive amounts of alcohol, all as a means of making themselves numb, getting away from their stresses and trying to feel a connection with something.

In addition, since they have a hard time being still, they will look for the thrill, for something that gives them the buzz and the adrenaline rush, something that has a sense of adventure and risk, all in the name of feeling a connection with something greater than themselves.

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t go and have fun, it’s just that some people take it to the extreme. They feel that this is how they make the connection to the force of the universe. Because they are so caught up in the High Density Lifestyle, they don’t realize that all they need to do is stop and be still, and within that silence will come the flow that brings forth the pulse of the universe.

Feeling the connection to the spiritual dimension also means holding love in your heart—loving yourself, those close to you, and all the inhabitants of the planet. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe, and when you feel love in your heart, you create an open energy circuit that connects you to the sacred flow of the universe.

Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

The barriers you have built within yourself that stop you from feeling love are the very same densities and blockages that stop you from living a Low Density Lifestyle. It is so important to surrender and let go of the things that hold you back from feeling love in your heart, because when you do, you can come closer to the Universal Force and be FREE – FREE stands living in a way that focuses on Flow/Relaxation/Effortless Effort.

There are many ways to feel connected to the spiritual dimension; for some it occurs from attending a church, synagogue, temple or mosque, while for others it is more personal—prayer, meditation, silence, walking in the woods, or some other way.

However you find your method of expression, one thing you need to understand is that spirituality is an everyday affair. You are not just spiritual when you go to church, synagogue, temple or mosque; or when you do the more personal way of expressing your spirituality.

Spirituality, and feeling connected to the spiritual dimension, is something that should be realized at all times. For instance, in the Zen tradition, there is no distinction between spiritual and non-spiritual moments. “Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes,” is a Zen saying.

When that understanding is embedded in every cell of your body, your connection to the spiritual dimension becomes second nature, and all your actions will be directed in that way. You are in the flow and every movement you take and every achievement you make is done with effortless effort.

The River-Woman’s Daughter

The series on The Roots of Healing has ended – the last article in the series was the three-part article on Wilhelm Reich.

I now turn towards a new subject, that of Spirituality. I’ll be exploring this subject over the next few weeks.

Connecting to the spiritual dimension is something that is important, and is a key element of living a Low Density Lifestyle. You’ll learn more about this as this series unfolds.

Today, as a kick-off to this series, we have a poem by the poet David Tucker. David last graced the Low Density Lifestyle website at the beginning of the year with the article Onto a New Year, which featured a series of David’s poems.

This is what David has to say about himself:
“I am a poet who lives in Vermont where I struggle to dig from the rock of mundanity formed by the details and disappointments of life the images that will startle us and remind us how we are connected to each other and to all the universe.”

Today, here is his poem, For Goldberry, the River-Woman’s Daughter.

For Goldberry, the River-Woman’s Daughter

I love God,
passionately.
I mean,
I make a real production of it.
I walk around the house,
shouting Her name,
His name.
I weep.
My heart
jumps up
on the fence hammered
from all my ecstasy
and crows
and crows
my adoration
to the sweet presence
making love
to every cell of my body.

And now,
to the middle
of my river of bliss,
you glide on your slim bark
signal flags proclaiming peace
and intelligence,
love and compassion
smelling of herbs,
earth
and the sun
stored in the leaves of Summer.

What will I do?
I am so vulnerable
to the Daughters of River Goddesses.
Even mortal women
have been able
to unbuckle the leather
strapped around my heart
and send me chasing
down the street
after my spilled emotions.

What,
in the sweet name of heaven
will happen with you?
This is not fair.
We speak together,
connect,
and a sacred song
from the mists off Withywindle
rattles the chimes
of my soul.
Within you
I see the One I adore.
I see the One
who stirs my heart
to leap upon the backs of stars
and ride
the dark and silver sky.

I think I’m had.
I think I’m stuck.
But,
even in my bondage
may I sing loud and sweet.
I may never be allowed
to kiss the dawn
into your heart,
but,
always,
always,
will I remember Who you are.
Remember Who lives within you,
Will, always
dance my prayers
to you
over miles
or years
or death
to brighten,
at least,
a little corner
of the garden
of the River-Woman’s Daughter.

Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex – But Were Afraid to Ask

This series on Relationships, Love and Sex ends today by answering all the burning questions you’ve wanted to know for years and years.

To supply these questions, I’ve assembled various experts to discuss a range of topics. Some of this is humorous and some is perfectly serious.

In the above at the top of the page, Woody Allen and company explain what happens during ejaculation.

In the below video, Mary Roach, author of the book Bonk, tells us Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm.

In the next video below, anthropologist Mary Fisher, an expert on romantic love and author of Anatomy of Love and Why We Love, tells us Why We Love and Cheat.

And in the last video below, Dr. David Schnarch, a marital and sex therapist and author of Intimacy and Desire, talks about Bedroom Stereotypes Debunked.

How Sex Can Make You Healthier

In the last two days, I’ve told you how to increase your sex drive, and discussed the topic of foods that are aphrodisiacs.

Today, I’ll tell you about the health benefits of sex. To get these benefits, you have to have sex on a regular basis.

Fewer colds, less stress, and a healthier heart are just some of the things that are attributed to regular sex of at least once a week.

In regards to colds, according to researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania, sex once or twice a week in winter can boost the immune system and reduce the chances of catching colds and flu.

They found it boosted levels of immunoglobulin A or IGA which binds to organisms that invade the body and then activates the immune system to destroy them.

In regards to stress, during sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, aka “happiness hormones,” and oxytocin, a desire-enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland.

And in regards to heart health – at least for men – research has shown men who indulge in regular lovemaking of at least twice per week are up to 45 per cent less likely to develop life-threatening heart conditions than men who have sex once a month or less.

In another recent study it was found that everyday sex helped men who had issues with fertility – it appears to help with DNA-damaged sperm.

Meanwhile, In England, the British Government’s National Health Service has started a campaign aimed at schools, telling students that sex everyday keeps the doctor away.

A National Health Service leaflet is advising school pupils that they have a “right” to an enjoyable sex life and that regular intercourse can be good for their cardiovascular health.

The advice appears in guidance circulated to parents, teachers and youth workers, and is intended to update sex education by telling pupils about the benefits of sexual pleasure. For too long, say its authors, experts have concentrated on the need for “safe sex” and loving relationships while ignoring the main reason that many people have sex, that is, for enjoyment.

Alongside the slogan “an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”, it says: “Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes’ physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?”

So much for the British and their reputation of always maintaining a stiff upper lip.

Sex is also a great form of exercise and can help you lose weight. If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes you’ll burn about 7, 500 calories in a year.

That’s the equivalent of jogging 200 miles. In addition, heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.

Pain can be relieved through sex. During sex, both male and female bodies produce endorphins, hormones that act as painkillers.

One study showed that during sexual stimulation and especially during orgasm, we don’t feel pain.

For men, frequent sex can benefit the prostate gland. Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland. If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems.

Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well-being of your prostate until old age.

Also for men, sex can be of benefit for erectile dysfunction. Fifty per cent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they too may have this happen to them.

An erection keeps the blood flowing through the penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy. Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.

And for women, sex can increase fertility, postpone menopause and relieve PMS symptoms.

Are There Foods That Are Aphrodisiacs?

I’ve been asked, because of yesterday’s article, How to Increase the Sex Drive, how come I didn’t mention the certain foods that are considered aphrodisiacs.

Surely, it was noted to me, they are definite ways to increase the sex drive.

Well, I didn’t talk about foods that might increase the sex drive because the jury is still out on that one.

And that’s because most anyone claiming to know what foods are or aren’t aphrodisiacs, from avocados to zebra tongue, acknowledge that it’s all highly subjective. As Dr. Ruth has famously put it, “the most important sex organ lies between the ears.”

But let’s look at a few anyway.

Chili peppers, for example, quicken the pulse and induce sweating, mimicking the state of sexual arousal, as well as stimulating the release of endorphins, which play a role in sexual pleasure.

Chocolate appears to be highly exaggerated in its abilities. It does contain some chemicals like phenylethylamine, which produce feelings of euphoria. Yet one widely cited study showed that a 130-pound person would have to eat 25 pounds of chocolate in one sitting to significantly alter the mood. And who would be in the mood after eating 19.2 percent of their weight in chocolate?

The scent of doughnuts, on the other hand, have some potential to heighten male sexual response, but only paired with licorice, according to one study. And of course, like chocolate, how many licorice-enhanced doughnuts do you want to eat?

In this same study, female sexual response was heightened by the scent of baby powder and also the combination of Good & Plenty candy with cucumber. Coming in second place in the study was a combination of Good & Plenty and banana nut bread.

This same study also found that the aroma of cherries caused a sharp drop in excitation among women, as did the smell of meat cooked over charcoal.

So ladies, next time you’re barbecuing your meat, make sure you’re also not eating cherries. That would be a double whammy.

Culture and tradition play an important part. Certain foods with aphrodisiac status, like basil, rosemary, saffron, honey, grapes and pine nuts, were coveted for their great libidinal powers by ancient Greeks and Romans and medieval Europeans.

Others, like figs, asparagus and cucumbers, have long been seen as erotic because of their resemblance to the male and female sex organs.

Some ingredients are considered sensual by virtue of how they are eaten, for example, “sharing food from a common platter,” as Dr. Meryl Rosofsky, a doctor and adjunct professor in the department of nutrition, food studies and public health at New York University, wrote in an entry on aphrodisiacs in the “Encyclopedia of Food and Culture” (Scribner, 2002), or, in the case of oysters, “sucking and slurping seductively.”

Oysters also are considered aphrodisiacs because they contain zinc, which is linked to increased sperm production. However, a zinc-deficient person would have to chow down enormous quantities of oysters before he noticed a difference.

And according to Dr. Rosofsky, garlic contains an amino acid that enhances blood flow and could augment erections.

One thing researchers have found to be an absolute is the strong links between scent, emotion and sexual attraction. Smell can induce emotion that then triggers neurochemical changes. Of all the senses, it is the only one that bypasses the conscious parts of the brain and goes directly to the limbic system, the region responsible for basic memory, motivation and emotion.

Amy Reiley, the author of a recipe book structured like “The Joy of Sex,“ suggests that restaurants wanting to serve truly carnal cuisine go with guacamole, not only because avocados have long been considered aphrodisiacs.

“To me,” Amy Reiley says, “one of the most successful attributes of an aphrodisiac meal are colors, aromas, tastes and textures that wake up the palate and challenge the mind.

“Guacamole, in the ways it is typically served, offers a silky foil to crunchy chips, a cool, slippery and sexy topping for spicy burritos and tamale pies.”

She also likes to use lots of saffron, mint and vanilla, all ingredients she considers aphrodisiacs, and, of course, chili pepper.

And then there’s alchohol, and especially that most sensuous of drinks, wine.

But as Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth, alcohol “provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.”

How to Increase the Sex Drive

During this discussion on sex, as part of the topic on Relationships, Love and Sex, one of the points I’ve made is that the sexual experience is an intimate one that can help you to be fully human and to live your life to your fullest potential.

There literally and figuratively is nowhere to hide during sex – you are there, warts and all. Which means it can be a profound tool for self-growth and development.

And as I said before, the more healthy and happy a person is, and the more of a Low Density Lifestyle they lead, the better will their sex life be.

That being said, sometimes, for one reason or another, the sex drive is low.

Menopause is one instance. Many women experience a loss of sexual desire and/or the ability to achieve orgasm as they age. One reason is scientifically linked to a waning production of the hormone progesterone, which is instrumental to relaxation.

This is just one of the many reasons why the most important organ for having great sex is the brain: if you can’t relax and turn off your brain, how will you be able to turn yourself on?

Men also are affected by this, because men go through their own type of menopause.

It’s never too late to improve your sex life, because an aging body and an aging brain can be reversed to a younger, more vibrant state. For all of us, sex can be decoded into four distinct phases, and each is directly correlated to one of the four primary brain chemicals, and the hormones associated with them:

***Desire and libido is created in the brain by dopamine; when you are low on dopamine your energy for and interest in sex wanes, as well as your performance

***Arousal is initiated by acetylcholine; when cognitive functioning and internal moisture goes awry and your acetylcholine becomes depleted, you will not be able to focus on sex, let alone maintain your attention and stimulation.

***GABA is your “get started” brain chemical. It controls your anxiety; you will not be able to achieve an orgasm if you are tense. GABA and progesterone are intricately linked.

***Resolution is related to serotonin. If serotonin becomes depleted, your timing is off. You’re either coming to the party too early or too late.

Through eating a more organic, whole-foods, plant-based diet, and cutting out the chemicals and junk; and through exercise and building muscle mass, you can increase the sex drive, no matter your age, by increasing the production of brain chemicals.

A recent study showed that building muscle mass leads to both neurogenesis, the creation of new brain cells, and angiogenesis, the increase in the amount of blood that flows to the brain. And the more new brain cells and amount of blood that flows to the brain, then the more chance that there is that the brain can trigger heightened sensations and arousal during intercourse.

Another way to increase the sex drive is to increase your connection to the spiritual dimension.

New research has found that spirituality has a greater effect on the sex lives of adults than religion, impulsivity, or alcohol.

“I think people have been well aware of the role that religious and spiritual matters play in everyday life for a very long time,” said Jessica Burris, one of the study’s researchers at the University of Kentucky. “But in the research literature, the unique qualities of spirituality — apart from religiousness — are not usually considered.”

According to a research measure known as the Spiritual Transcendence Scale, those qualities are connectedness, universality, and prayer fulfillment. But the data found that of the three, connectedness plays the largest role in spiritual sexuality and leads to more sex with more partners.

“Believing one is intimately tied to other human beings and that interconnectedness and harmony are indispensible may lead one to believe sexual intimacy possesses a divine or transcendent quality in itself,” Burris writes. “In fact, ascribing sacred qualities to sex has been positively associated with positive affective reactions to sex, frequency of sex, and number of sexual partners.”

And in a separate review of studies last year, it was found that sexually unsatisfied women who practiced mindfulness and yoga reported improvements in levels of arousal and desire, as well as better orgasms.

What is Your Sex IQ?

I continue forward with the topic of sex, which is the last leg of this series on Relationships, Love and Sex.

Yesterday I gave you the history of sex, briefly, and today I offer a test so that you can find out what your sex IQ is.

So let’s get crackin’ on the test. Answers are at the bottom of the page – but no looking until you answer all the questions!

1) The sex lives of our prehistoric ancestors were likely similar to the -
a) Monogamous penguins
b) Promiscuous, no-commitment bonobo chimpanzees
c) Polygamist, harem-loving gorillas

2) Women in ancient Egypt prevented pregnancy with -
a) Plugs made of crocodile droppings
b) Drinks of lemon, milk and ground water lily
c) Offerings to the fertility goddess

3) Proportionally and compared to other primates, human males have -
a) Tiny genitalia
b) Massive genitalia
c) About average

4) Based on artifacts and cave paintings, Ice Age women were likely -
a) Submissive and dragged around by their hair
b) To have sex only to make babies
c) To enjoy sex as much as their male mates

5) In 2005, the average first time for US girls occurred at the age of -
a)14
b) 17
c) 20

6) Known aphrodisiacs of the food world include -
a) Chocolate, oysters and spicy foods
b) Oysters, strawberries and turkey
c) Chocolate, figs and zucchini

7) That females have a weaker sex drive than men is -
a) A physical fact
b) A cultural misconception
c) A rumor started in the 1950s

The most common sexual problem among men is -
a) Erectile dysfunction
b) Wanting too much
c) Premature ejaculation

9) It is a common misconception that pregnancy can occur -
a) Without male orgasm
b) Without a stork involved
c) From oral sex

10) Whether put to use or not, males produce about -
a) 100 million sperm every day
b) 500 million sperm every year
c) 300 million sperm every day

Now, you can check how you did. If you got:
8-10 correct, you’re a genius
5-7 correct, you’re an intemediate
4-6 correct, you’re a work in progress
1-3 correct, you’re in need of some education
0 correct, oh boy!

Answers 1-b, 2-a, 3-b, 4-c, 5-b, 6-a, 7-b, 8-c, 9-a, 10-c

The History of Sex, Briefly

I’ve now turned the spotlight in this series on Relationships, Love and Sex to the topic of sex. Yesterday I looked at sex and marriage, with the provocative idea that marriage can mean the end of sex.

Before I continue further with the topic of sex, I thought it would be good to look at the history of sex, briefly.

As the song goes, birds do it and bees do it; and humans too have been doing it since the dawn of time.

But just how much has the act really changed through the millennia and even in past decades? Are humans doing it more? Or better?

Well, sort of. But it’s how people tell the truth about their sex lives that has changed the most over the years.

Humans have basically been the same anatomically for about 100,000 years—so what is safe to say is that if we enjoy it now, then so did our cave-dwelling ancestors and everyone else since.

“Just as our bodies tell us what we might like to eat, or when we should go to sleep, they lay down for us our pattern of lust,” says University of Toronto psychologist Edward Shorter. “Sex has always offered pleasure.”

Sexuality has a lot to do with our biological framework, agreed Joann Rodgers, director of media relations and lecturer at Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions.

“People and indeed all animals are hard wired to seek out sex and to continue to do so,” Rodgers said.

It is nearly impossible to tell, however, whether people enjoyed sex more 50 years ago or 50,000 years ago, said David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of “The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.”

There is “no reason to think that we do more now than in the past, although we are certainly more frank about it,” Buss says.

Indeed, cultural restraints—rather than anything anatomical—have had the biggest effect on our sexual history, Shorter says.

“To be sure, what people actually experience is always a mixture of biological and social conditioning: Desire surges from the body, the mind interprets what society will accept and what not, and the rest of the signals are edited out by culture,” he writes in his book, “Written in the Flesh: A History of Desire.”

That’s not to say that cultural norms keep people from exploring the taboo, but only what is admitted to openly, according to archaeologist Timothy Taylor of Great Britain’s University of Bradford.

“The idea that there is a sexual line that must not be crossed but in practice often is, is far older than the story of Eve’s temptation by the serpent,” he writes in “The History of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture.”

Religion especially has held powerful sway over the mind’s attitude towards the body’s carnal desires, most sexual psychologists agree. Men and women who lived during the pious Middle Ages were certainly affected by the fear of sin, Shorter said, though he notes there were other inhibiting factors to consider, too.

“The low priority attached to sexual pleasure by people who lived in distant times is inexplicable unless one considers the hindrances that existed in those days,” Shorter writes. He points especially to the 1,000 years of misery and disease—often accompanied by some very un-sexy smells and itching—that led up to the Industrial Revolution. “After the mid-nineteenth century, these hindrances start to be removed, and the great surge towards pleasure begins.”

Many historians and psychologists see the late 1800s as a kind of watershed period for sexuality in the Western world. With the industrial revolution pushing more and more people together—literally—in dense, culturally-mixed neighborhoods, attitudes towards sex became more liberal.

The liberalization of sexuality kicked into high gear by the 1960s with the advent of the birth control pill, letting women get in on the fun and act on the basis of desire as men always had, according to Shorter.

“The 1960s vastly accelerated this unhesitant willingness to grab sex for the sheer sake of physical pleasure,” he said, noting that the trend of openly seeking out sex just because it feels good, rather than for procreation alone, has continued on unabated into the new millennium.

But despite the modern tendency towards sexual freedom, even today there are vast differences in attitudes across the world, experts say.

“Cultures vary tremendously in how early they start having sex, how open they are about it, and how many sexual partners they have,” said Buss, noting that Swedes generally have many partners in their lifetime and the Chinese typically have few.

An informal 2005 global sex survey sponsored by the condom company Durex confirmed Buss’ views. Just 3 percent of Americans polled called their sex lives “monotonous,” compared to a sizable 26 percent of Indian respondents. While 53 percent of Norwegians wanted more sex than they were having (a respectable 98 times per year, on average), 81 percent of the Portuguese were quite happy with their national quota of 108 times per year.

Though poll numbers and surveys offer an interesting window into the sex lives of strangers, they’re still constrained by the unwillingness of people to open up about a part of their lives that’s usually kept behind closed doors.

And what if we weren’t bound by such social limitations? Taylor offers the promiscuous—and very laid-back—bonobo chimpanzee as a utopian example.

“Bonobos have sex most of the time … a fairly quick, perfunctory, and relaxed activity that functions as a social cement,” he writes. “But for cultural constraints, we would all behave more like bonobos. In physical terms, there is actually nothing that bonobos do that some humans do not sometimes do.”

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