A Brief History of Marriage

In yesterday’s article, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, spoke on Love, Relationships, and Sex, and among other things, discussed what the institution of marriage is.

So today, I thought I would take a look at what marriage is – and isn’t – by offering a brief history of marriage through the ages.

Along with the article is the above video, which spoofs the Indian tradition of arranged marriages.

As Elizabeth Gilbert pointed out in yesterday’s interview, Elizabeth Gilbert Tells Us What Love Is, marrying for love is a recent addition to the annals of marriage. At one time, people married for money, power or survival.

In medieval Europe, everyone from the lord of the manor to the village locals had a say in deciding who should wed. Love was considered an absurdly flimsy reason for a match. Even during the Enlightenment and Victorian eras, adultery and friendship were often more passionate than marriage. These days, we marry for love—and are rewarded with a blistering divorce rate.

Let’s now look at marriage through the ages.

I. Antiquity-Renaissance

What’s love got to do with it? In early history, politics and money trumped emotions.

* Ancient Greece: Love is a many-splendored (manly) thing. Love is honored—especially between men. In marriage, inheritance is more important than feelings: A woman whose father dies without male heirs can be forced to marry her nearest male relative—even if she has to divorce her husband first.
* Rome: Wife-swapping as a career move—Statesman Marcus Porcius Cato divorces his wife and marries her off to his ally Hortensius in order to strengthen family bonds; after Hortensius dies, Cato remarries her.
* 6th-century Europe: Political polygamy—The Germanic warlord Clothar, despite being a baptized Christian, eventually acquires four wives for strategic reasons, including his dead brother’s wife, her sister and the daughter of a captured foreign king.
* 12th-century Europe: Marriage is good for loving…someone else—Upper-class marriages are often arranged before the couple has met. Aristocrats believe love is incompatible with marriage and can flourish only in adultery.
* 14th-century Europe: It takes a village—Ordinary people can’t choose whom to marry either. The lord of one Black Forest manor decrees in 1344 that all his unmarried tenants—including widows and widowers—marry spouses of his choosing. Elsewhere, peasants wishing to pick a partner must pay a fee.
* 16th-century Europe: Love’s a bore—Any man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could love him, writes the French essayist Montaigne.

II. 1600s-Victorian Era

It’s a family affair: Married love gains currency, but for intimacy and passion, people still turn to family, lovers and friends.

*1690s U.S.: Virginia wasn’t always for lovers—Passionate love between husband and wife is considered unseemly: One Virginia colonist describes a woman he knows as “more fond of her husband perhaps than the politeness of the day allows.” Protestant ministers warn spouses against loving each other too much, or using endearing nicknames that will undermine husbandly authority.
* 18th-century Europe: Love gains ground—In England and in the salons of Enlightenment thinkers, married love is gaining credibility. Ladies’ debating societies declare that while loveless marriages are regrettable, women must consider money when choosing a partner.
* 1840, England: Virgin lace—Queen Victoria starts a trend by wearing virginal white, instead of the traditional jeweled wedding gown. Historically thought of as the lustier sex, women are now considered chaste and pure. As a result, many men find it easier to have sex with prostitutes than with their virtuous wives.
* Mid 19th-century U.S.: Honeymoon suite for three—Honeymoons replace the older custom of “bridal tours,” in which the newly married couple travel after the wedding to visit family who could not attend the ceremony. Even so, many brides bring girlfriends with them on their honeymoons.

III. 20th Century-Today

We worship the couple. Intimacy shrinks to encompass just two, and love becomes the only reason for marriage.

* 1920s U.S.: How Saturday night began—Dating is the new craze—in restaurants and cars, away from the oversight of family. Popular culture embraces sex, but critics fear that marriage is on the rocks.
* 1950s U.S.: Marriage is mandatory—Marriage becomes almost universal, and the nuclear family is triumphant: Four out of five people surveyed in 1957 believe that preferring to remain single is “sick,” “neurotic” or “immoral.”
* 1970s U.S.: All you need is love?—Self-sufficient women and changing social rules mean marriage is no longer obligatory. Quarreling couples split up rather than make do, and the divorce rate skyrockets.
* Today: Bride pride—Marriage is the ultimate expression of love, leading gays and lesbians to seek the right to marry, but also encouraging couples to cohabit until they’re sure about their “soul mate.” Marriage rates fall—but the fantasy of the perfect wedding is ubiquitous.

This information comes from Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage, by Stephanie Coontz.

Elizabeth Gilbert Tells Us What Love Is

Yesterday we heard from Eliot Spitzer on what he believed love to be.

Today we hear from Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the megaseller, Eat, Pray, Love.

Eat, Pray, Love, was Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir of the year she spent traveling after a painful divorce. Called “wise, jaunty, human, ethereal, heartbreaking,” the book has been a worldwide success, and has been published in over thirty languages with over 7 million copies in print.

In this interview, Elizabeth Gilbert shares her thoughts on a variety of topics related to love, relationships and sex, including:
***Is it possible to balance friendship with romance?
***What’s the difference between love and healthy love?
***Does marriage kill love?
***What is this institution called marriage?
***What do partners want from each other in a relationship?
***The role of expectations in a relationship
***Sexuality

The Heart Has Its Reasons That Reason Does Not Know

I thought with the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday, the most appropriate topic to be writing about would be on Relationships, Love and Sex.

And so, I gave you two articles over the last two days, Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1; and Part 2, that delved into this most complicated of pastimes.

For matters of the heart are not easily explained, because it is not logic that dictates its whereabouts. The heart has a mind all its own.

It was the French Enlightenment philosopher Blaine Pascal who said, “Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point,” which translates to, “The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.”

In Chinese medicine it is said that, “The shen (the spirit) resides in the heart.” The Chinese also have another way of putting this, saying, “The mind resides in the heart.”

The heart has its own way, a way that doesn’t always gibe with our logical thinking capacity. When the heart opens up, it can be a very strong emotion, one so powerful it can sweep you off your feet and leave you feeling euphoric.

So although matters of the heart can be complicated, for Valentine’s Day, which is just around the bend, I suggest that you try and simplify what the heart feels and allow it to succumb to its base desire: Love.

And with that in mind, I offer you the above video at the top of the page, Love, written and sung by John Lennon, and the below video which I put together, entitled The Art of Love.

As you watch the videos, think of someone you love, and hold them in your heart. Don’t analyze it, just feel it – and remember, The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 2

In yesterday’s article, Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1, I began to dissect this crazy little thing called love.

I said how these are complicated topics, full of pitfalls and entanglements, mishaps and risks, and also much bliss and happiness.

I also said how it’s the arena in which we can become most vulnerable, in which our deepest intimacies can become known; it can also be the arena in which our buttons are pushed to the max.

So let’s delve deeper into it. I’ll also explain why I believe that people who live a Low Density Lifestyle have a better chance of entering into lasting relationships and having better sex.

We are all social animals, and everyone desires to have a social network of friends, family, loved ones and significant other that you desire to spend time together with.

Strong relationships are a vital component of a healthy and happy life, while negative relationships can impact health and happiness in a detrimental manner.

When you are living a Low Density Lifestyle, you are naturally attracted to other people who are also living a Low Density Lifestyle, and it is these people who will make up your most intimate social network. If you feel centered, balanced and in the flow, you won’t readily enjoy the company of people who live a completely opposite lifestyle, as it will just be too jarring to your soul.

Interestingly though, people who live a High Density Lifestyle will be naturally attracted to those who live a Low Density Lifestyle, because the calmness and peacefulness of someone living a Low Density Lifestyle is something that can help to balance and center someone living a High Density Lifestyle.

It can actually be a profoundly transformative experience if someone living a High Density Lifestyle allows themselves to open up to the energies and calming influence of someone living a Low Density Lifestyle. So this is truly one case of opposites attracting!

But the tricky thing is that for those living a Low Density Lifestyle, the desire is to have happy and harmonious relationships, and they will go out of their way to find them and to reject relationships that create unhappiness and disharmony.

So it’s not impossible for people on opposite ends of the spectrum to come together—after all, the chemical bond of love transcends all boundaries and overcomes all limitations—it’s just that if you want to have a sustaining and lasting relationship, there needs to be a bonding of two souls, one in which each person can gaze into the other’s eyes and see the reflection of the deep and infinite waters of the Zero-Point Field, which is the origins of universal love and consciousness.

Communication is a big part of a relationship, and failure to communicate is a major reason for breakups. To be able to communicate, each party in a relationship needs to feel loved and safe. Each person in the relationship also has to let go of expectations and not judge or criticize the other, but instead help them to feel comfortable being able to communicate.

Communicating your deepest and most intimate thoughts and feelings is not easy, but if you feel safe and loved, and feel that what you say won’t be held against you, then it is easier to speak from your heart. This happens easiest when both people in the relationship are living a Low Density Lifestyle.

If one or both people in the relationship are living a High Density Lifestyle, then it’s a lot harder, because there’s no feeling of safety in expressing intimate thoughts. These are the relationships that are doomed to fail.

Another important part of a strong and lasting relationship is the sex life. Because those living a Low Density Lifestyle are healthier and more balanced, less stressed and more in the flow, they have the capability of having a strong sex drive and having better sex.

They understand that sexual desire is a natural biological urge, as opposed to a feeling that one should be ashamed of or should repress. They know that sex, and orgasm, make both parties feel good and is a vital part of making love. In addition, sex allows for intimacy and expressions of love, and these are things cherished by those living a Low Density Lifestyle.

For many people living a High Density Lifestyle, the only time when they’re able to relax and feel comfortable having sex is when they imbibe in alcohol or recreational drugs, because these allow them to relax their inhibitions and feel less stressed.

Although sex can be very enjoyable when performed in an altered state, an important part of the sexual experience is the feeling of intimacy that one person has with another, because in that state of intimacy, a strong bond is formed between both people and the flow of love, happiness and joy circulates and is expressed between them.

When a person is having sex in an altered state, the flow is impeded. But unfortunately, for many people living a High Density Lifestyle, having sex while in an altered state is the only way they can get full enjoyment of the act of making love.

Another great aspect of sex is that it increases your chances to be healthier and happier. People who have a regular sex life have been found to have a decreased risk of heart disease and stroke, a decrease in pain in the body, and an increase in life span.

These are enormous motives for having a healthy sex life, but the reality is that in order to have a healthy and happy sex life, it is best that both people involved live a Low Density Lifestyle.

Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought a good theme to discuss for the next few weeks would be Relationships, Love and Sex.

These are complicated topics, full of pitfalls and entanglements, mishaps and risks, and also much bliss and happiness.

It’s the arena in which we can become most vulnerable, in which our deepest intimacies can become known; it can also be the arena in which our buttons are pushed to the max.

It is a risk to enter into a relationship with another, to fall in love, and to have sexual relations with another, because the heart is the most fragile of organs.

Many a person has fallen in love only to have their heart broken, and then to swear off ever being in love again; they put a shield around their heart, and enclose it so that it becomes difficult for them to easily feel again.

Being in a relationship and in love is when you are challenged to be the most brutally honest, because it is when your heart and soul is touched by another. You are then forced to either get in touch with your own deepest feelings, or else run away and bury those feelings deep down within.

Everyone wants to be loved, but you also need to know how to love. It takes opening your heart, authenticity, the ability to communicate, compassion, tenderness, understanding, the letting down of your guard, the lessening of expectations, and the ability to be humble and not let your ego take control.

In another words, this love thing is a tall order.

Many books exist on the subject, but even the experts are not always expert – for instance, noted relationship author and expert Barbara De Angelis has been married five times.

Obviously, getting the love thing down can be complicated.

Life is messy, full of chaos and unpredictability, and so even the best of relationships can be messy. The map of the human heart has many roadblocks and detours along the way.

It is my belief, and I will delve into this with tomorrow’s article, that the more of a Low Density Lifestyle you live, the better your chances of finding a lasting relationship, especially if it is with another person who also lives that way. That is because when two people come together who both live a Low Density Lifestyle, there is a sense of calm and inner peace already within the relationship, leading to less potential for possible friction that can cause problems.

Now, you can work on yourself till the cows come home, but the real test comes when you’re in a relationship, when love comes knocking on your door, and when you have the closest and most intimate of all encounters, the experience of sex, because this is when we are fully tested.

Sex, especially, is a subject that is often considered taboo and not to be talked about in polite circles. Granted, you don’t want to be shouting off a rooftop about your sex life, nor is it necessary to talk about it with everyone you meet. After all, it is a personal matter.

But we are a sexually repressed culture, afraid to fully express our primal needs and enjoy the full pleasures of sex.

On my intake form that I have my patients fill out at their initial appointment, I have an area that I ask how they feel about their personal lives, work, family, diet and sex life. I ask people to rate it, from great, to good, fair and poor. Most of my patients rate their sex life fair or poor. A small number rate it good, and a tiny fraction call it great.

But it shouldn’t be that way. After all, it is the most natural of acts.

Again, I believe the more of a Low Density Lifestyle a person leads, the better their sex life.

After all, if you remember the interview I did with Mimi Kirk (it was the third part), the 71-year-old woman named by PETA as the sexiest vegetarian over 50, she candidly mentioned that her sex life (with her boyfriend 19 years her junior) was great.

I’ll revisit this more in-depth tomorrow, so tune in tomorrow…

Happiness is…Having a Happy and Joyous Wedding Celebration

In the last couple of days in this Happiness series, I’ve been regaling you with tales of Happiness is…

You’ve learned during these few days that Happiness is…Letting the Sun Shine In; Happiness is…Being Happy Like a Baby; and Happiness is…Being Happy Like a Happy Pet.

Today I will turn my attention to that most complex realm, one that is chock full of many challenges – the realm of relationships.

Happiness is…when you are in a loving relationship with a partner, a relationship that fills you with joy all the way down deep into your soul.

Now imagine if a relationship like this decides to make the ultimate commitment – marriage – and decides to turn the wedding day into a fabulous demonstration of happiness and joy.

That my friends is what the above video is all about, which is why I call this article, Happiness is…Having a Happy and Joyous Wedding.

Set in the church they will get married in, this couple began their ceremony with one of the most happiest and joyous starts to a wedding.

I’ll bet this couple is going to have a long and very happy marriage and life together, because they are having so much fun and exuding so much good spirit at their ceremony.

So watch the video and see if you agree with me that happiness can indeed be a happy and joyous wedding.

The bottom line, as I’ve been saying all along during this series on Happiness, is to let your innate happiness and joy, which is something we all have an infinite supply of, find its way to the top, and then let it shine through.

And when you do so, you too will be living a Low Density Lifestyle.

A Healthy Relationship – How To Have One

I continue on with our Valentine’s Day series by talking about how to have a healthy relationship with a partner.

A Low Density Lifestyle gives you the ability to be in a healthy and long-lasting relationship, because you don’t carry baggage into it. Baggage is what can make you feel heavy and cause you to act out in unhealthy ways.  Carrying baggage around is definitely one of the traits of living a High Density Lifestyle.

I would like to narrow down what makes a healthy relationship to four traits. Keep this in mind as you work to develop and cultivate your relationship.  And whether your relationship is a 30-year marriage or you’re just starting out,  these four traits hold true for each and everything in between.

The Four Traits

The first trait for a healthy relationship is Love. Obviously, there has to be a chemical connection, or a soul connection, between the two of you. Love is a mysterious thing, but when you feel it, you know you it.

The next trait for a healthy relationship is Trust.  You have to trust one another and be honest with one another. If you go sneaking around doing things without telling the other, then your relationship is doomed. Remember how Integrity is one of the 12 steps of living a Low Density Lifestyle?  Well, when you carry yourself with integrity, not only will you be honest with yourself, you’ll be honest in your relationships, and especially with your significant other, who should be the one you trust the most.

The next trait for a healthy relationship is Communication and Shared Vision. Most relationship experts say how important communication is to maintain a vital relationship, and this is true. I take it a step further though, because it’s not just about communication, but communication about your vision, and then sharing that vision, or at least finding a way to make the visions work together. Vision can be about buying a home, having children, working in a field that expresses who you are, eating a certain way and living a certain lifestyle; the list goes on. But if one person doesn’t agree with or is unwilling to accept the other person’s vision, then no matter how well you communicate, the relationship is doomed.

The last trait for a healthy relationship is to be emotionally, intellectually and spiritually healthy. You are healthy if you are self aware and free of baggage, insecurities and self-destructive tendencies. Or if you’re not, you’re willing to work on these.  Hey, nobody is born perfect. But we’re all looking for healthy relationships and love – it’s just that we don’t want to be looking for love in all the wrong places.

So there you have it. I hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and remember, everyday is Valentine’s Day.

The Art of Love

What better subject to touch on then the art of love during the Valentine’s Day holiday?

The art of love is the second of a series relating to Valentine’s Day, and is one to check out with someone you love. It’s told in images and music, with thanks to Bob Dylan for his heartfelt song. So watch it and enjoy.

Remember this: When it comes to the art of love, we’re all artists.

Valentine Day’s and Sugar – Is it the Sweet Life/La Dolce Vita?

With Valentine’s Day approaching, what better subject to discuss than sugar, the substance that can create the sweet life, or as they say in Italy, La Dolce Vita.

Today is the first article in a series on love and relationships, in honor of Valentine’s Day and the sweet life.

Unfortunately,  too much of a good thing is not a good thing, and so sugar is something that can be detrimental to your health, and lead you into a High Density Lifestyle, which would not be the sweet life you want.

In the U.S., it is estimated that the per capital consumption of sugar is 175 pounds per year.  The current recommendation is a maximum intake of 8 teaspoons of sugars a day, yet one 12 ounce can of soda or a 20 ounce bottle of Vitamin Water puts 9 teaspoons of sugars into your body. So you’re already maxed out before you’ve gotten going.

Then add onto that all the other potential sugary things you might eat: cookies, salad dressings, processed foods, soups, juices, fruit-flavored foods; heck, even a lot of natural and organic foods are sweetened with sugars.

So as much as you may like sugar, and like living the sweet life/la dolce vita, you are probably sugar-overloading your body. And whether the sugar is from corn, fruit, sugar cane or beets, they’re all simple sugars that the body doesn’t process or metabolize  very well at all.

It takes a pound of oranges to produce eight ounces of juice, which concentrates the simple fruit sugars and strips away the appetite-satiating fiber and bulk of the fruit. “An eight-ounce glass of juice from oranges, apples or grapes has about five to eight teaspoons of sugar,” said Dr. Barry Popkin, a professor of global nutrition and author of the book, The World is Fat. “Calorically and nutritionally, it’s much better to eat the fruit.”

Simple sugars cause weight gain, which then leads to obesity. And obesity, at least in the U.S., is at epidemic proportions. Simple sugars are metabolized in the liver, and the liver will then store them and transform them into fats. The result of this, besides obesity, is also diabetes, heart disease, liver disease, auto-immune disease and other chronic and degenerative ailments.

Plus it stops you from living a Low Density Lifestyle, and if anything is going to lead you into the sweet life, it’s a Low Density Lifestyle.

The answer is to focus on eating complex sugars, the natural occurring sugars found in whole grains, vegetables, fruits and other whole foods, and then when you want something sweet, to look for something sweetened with barley malt, rice syrup, maple syrup and honey.

So this Valentine’s Day, when you and your sweetie are looking to live the sweet life/la dolce vita together, remember that there are many ways to do this, and eating simple sugars isn’t the best or only way.

What a Low Density Lifestyle Can Do For You

Ok, in yesterday’s post I told you what the 12 steps are to living a Low Density Lifestyle and becoming FREE.  Now that you have mastered all those–and there will be a final exam on it–I want to tell you what a Low Density Lifestyle can do for you.  And believe me, it can do some really awesome, life-changing stuff.

Here’s what it can do:

Health and Longevity: It can help you be healthier and live a long and robust life.
Happiness and Joy: You can be happier, more joyous and more passionate about everything.
Better Relationships, Better Sex: A Low Density Lifestyle can help you to have better and healthier relationships with family members, friends, loved ones and your significant other. It can also enhance you sex life. Ah, three cheers for Flow!
Focus and Clarity of Thought: You will become more focused and have more clarity of thought, as opposed to being scattered, forgetful and fuzzy-brained.
Creativity and Genius: You will use more of your mind’s potential and be capable of tapping into your innate genius within. You can then become a visionary!
Productivity: It can help you to be more productive at work, home or anywhere else you choose to apply yourself.,
Success: You will definitely become much more successful when you embrace a Low Density Lifestyle.
Intuition: Your intuition will become razor-sharp, and you will trust the feelings you sense.
The Law of Attraction: Being in the Flow will help to unlock the obstructions in your energy system that block the law of attraction from coming into your life.
Inner Peace: As you find your stillpoint and your center of balance, your entire being will calm down and inner peace will come your way.
Enlightenment: This is the ultimate extension of a Low Density Lifestyle, and it is not outside the realm of possibilities.

So, there you have it.  Yesterday I talked about the 12 steps to living a Low Density Lifestyle and becoming FREE, and today I discussed what a Low Density Lifestyle can do for you. I would suggest reading these again and again.

And remember, if you want more in-depth understanding and knowledge of the wisdom behind the Low Density Lifestyle, sign up for the free 5-day email course. You can sign up in the box in the upper right hand column, or in that crazy little box that pops up on your screen from time to time.  You will be really glad that you did, because it is jam packed with easy to digest material.

Now that a good foundation about the Low Density Lifestyle has been laid, next up on the horizon is delving into all these categories. So buckle your seat belts ladies and gentlemen, because you are about to go on the ride of your life.  You will never know what the posting will be about and what category will be discussed, until you read it. But I promise you it will be topical, relevant, informative and interesting. You will definitely not be bored.

Tune in tomorrow…

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