In the last article, The Return of the Classic Books, In One Minute or Less, I gave you many classic books, distilled to their very essence.
Today, as this series on humor continues, I give you classic kids books, also in one minute or less. So now you can tell your kids to throw away their Kindle and their iPad and their iPhone and their Blackberry and their Gameboy and their Wii and their iPod, and even their Cliff notes, cause here’s all the book you need to know, in one minute or less.
Green Eggs and Ham
By Dr. Seuss
I won’t eat green eggs and ham anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances.
Sam I Am
Where the Wild Things Are
By Maurice Sendak
Once there was a boy who wanted to have adventures with wild things. He discovered if he used his imagination instead of pestering his parents to read to him, he could do just that.
I have a bad habit.
I’ll give you money if you stop.
Cash up front.
Clifford, the Big Red Dog
By Norman Bridwell
I have a big red dog.
The Runaway Bunny
By Margaret Wise Brown
I will run away.
Sit your tush down.
I’m sick because I think I’m sick.
Then let’s reawaken our spirits by going to this garden and discovering the healing power of love inside us all.
Sounds good to me.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
By Roald Dahl
(Charlie gets a TON of Willy Wonka chocolate bars.)
Hooray. I’m an instant winner.
Hi kids. Four of you will undergo severe physiological distress that in the real world would get me sued, and one will be picked to be the Special One.
(Charlie gets picked.)
Are You My Mother?
By P. D. Eastman
Are you my mother?
A Bunch of Animals That Aren’t His Mother
(Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert send for an orphan boy to help out at Green Gables.)
Anne Shirley, you are not a boy. Go back to the orphanage.
If I work really hard, stay out of trouble, enrich your lives with my buoyant spirit, rescue you from the doldrums of your pragmatic ways, and touch the hearts of the townsfolk…then can I stay?
(Anne does all these things except stay out of trouble.)
(Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail OBEY their mother. Peter does NOT and almost DIES MISERABLY.)
The Giving Tree
By Shel Silverstein
I can’t believe you cut that tree down, you jerk.
By E. B. White
Mr. and Mrs. Little
We gave birth to a rodent, and we’re not the least bit traumatized.
(Stuart fetches stuff his parents lost.)
I will have a quest of exploration and self-discovery.